Do you have personal hygiene issues?

Do you constantly have that “not so fresh” feeling about your person?

Do varying types of bugs call your crotch home?

Are you sexually active?

Have you slept with every Tom, Dick and Harry and Wolfgang and Dieter and Serge, and Nigel, and Fernando and Paul,  west of the Danube River?

Do you swim out to meet battleships?

Let’s face it: Are you a skank?

Well, folks, thanks to EWOT Products, there is hope!

EWOT PRODUCTS IS PROUD TO PRESENT:

RITA SOBRAL’S DE-FUNK-A-FYING CREAM!

That’s right, folks! Now YOU TOO can enjoy being almost like a regular human being again!

We’ve worked closely with the United States Military Germ Warfare Department, the Center for Disease Control and the Johns Hopkins University Hospital to produce this one-of-a-kind cream.

With a daily regimen of just 10 applications, in less than a year you too will:

  • Not smell like cookie dough gone sour
  • Not be constantly bothered by the migration of millions of lice
  • Be able to keep a straight face when telling that guy, “yes, I’m clean!”

And much, much more! Bring those embarrassing moments of, “I can’t…it’s that time of the molting season” excuses to an end forever with Rita Sobral’s De-funk-a-fying Cream!

Results not typical. You should not expect these results unless accompanied by treatments of scorched earth policy. Not responsible for burns contracted by scorched earth policy. For more information about scorched earth policy, contact the United States Air Force, Napalm division in Sarasota, Florida.