Are you successful?
Do you have it all?
Do you sleep in a nice house in silk sheets and drive a high end sedan to a top end job?
Are you sick of all that shit?
THEN HAVE NO FEAR, WE’RE HERE TO HELP!
EWOT PRODUCTS IS PROUD TO PRESENT:
JAY COHEN’S FANTASTIC FAILURE FORMULA!
That’s right, folks! Now YOU TOO can be an epic, complete, fabulous failure!
We’ve worked closely with none other than Jay Cohen, General Manager of Wargaming North America, to come up with THE definitive formula for failure. Just follow a simple, step by step regimen and you too will:
- have your property foreclosed on by the bank
- have your license revoked for all manner of violations
- wind up living in a shitty one bedroom apartment rather than the quaint house you had
- run a successful gaming company’s venture into North America into the dirt in record time
- have your personal life disintegrate before your very eyes
- go into hiding on social media due to some half-assed site finding out who you really are
Yes, all this failure and more is assured with Jay Cohen’s Fantastic Failure Formula!
Don’t believe us? Well, here are a few testimonials:
“I was once a happy man and had it all and just couldn’t handle it. That’s when I found out about Jay Cohen’s Fantastic Failure Formula. I figured, what did I have to lose, so I gave it a try. I tell you, the results were amazing. I still can’t believe how effective it was.” – John DeLorean
“I tell you, I had it all…and I just couldn’t stand it. I had to get out. It was just too much for me. Thank God I found Jay Cohen’s Fantastic Failure Formula! I don’t know what I would have done without it.” – Dan Quayle
“Being the most powerful man in the world is everything it is cracked up to be. I tell you though, you get really damn sick of it really damn fast. Thanks to Jay Cohen’s Fantastic Failure Formula, I don’t have those concerns anymore.” – Richard M. Nixon
So there you have it, folks! Get busy going belly up! Order your Fantastic Failure Formula TODAY!!!
Absolute failure guaranteed. After all, if you’re ordering this product, chances are you’re a failure already for ever believing it was anything more than a satirical piece. I mean, honestly: how the fuck could you ever take this seriously? Are you fucking mental, or what? Get help, you stupid asshole!