Are you a wuss?

Are you a grown man still living at home with momma?

Are you such a complete failure at life that you have to have momma do your laundry, pay for your cell phone as well as your food, room and board?

Are you a COMPLETE fucking failure?


Do you want to be?

Then you’re in luck!

Introducing: Avalon304’s Momma’s Boy Balm

Yes, folks, now you too can be baby smooth, completely worthless, and go back to a state just shortly removed from the womb. EWOT Products worked ’round the clock with none other than Richard Sierzega, the most epic failure at life we could find, in order to formulate this balm.

With daily use, this balm will have you so completely worthless within 6 weeks that you’ll actually start bitching and complaining about FREE TANKS!

That’s right, folks! You too can be a completely worthless, crying little bitch of a momma’s boy! Just think of the benefits:

  • No responsibilities
  • No accountability
  • No full time job – and even part time jobs are optional
  • You can run off with the circus when it comes to town
  • No rent
  • No phone bill – yes, mommy will take care of your cell phone bill as well


Don’t think so? Well, as a SPECIAL BONUS for new orders, you can call the main man yourself for a personalized instruction seminar!

Just call 702-858-2149 and you will be hooked up with Avalon304, the ORIGINAL momma’s boy!

(If Carol answers, just ask for ‘Little Dick’.)

Offer good for the first 10 orders only. Shipping and handling applies. Offer good while supplies last.