Are you ugly?

Are you hairy?

Are you a failed, live-at-home-with-mom, basement dwelling, knuckle-dragging ape?

Well, folks, there’s hope!

Introducing: Killswitch95’s Humanizing Cream

Yes, folks, as hard as it is to believe, there is hope for you with this new, amazing cream from EWOT Products! Simply apply this cream three times daily and you can achieve REMARKABLE results.

EWOT worked side by side with Steven Sisk , who is Killswitch95, to develop this amazing product. The results are simply stunning:

Day 1: 3 Applications

Day 100: 300 Applications

Day 360: 1080 Applications

Day 720: 2,160 Applications

Day 1,460: 4,380 Applications

Yes, folks, the results are AMAZING! You too can look more human than you ever thought possible with EWOT’s Killswitch95’s Humanizing Cream! Get yours today and get on the road to humanity!

 

Results not typical. You should not expect these results. If you’re too far down the road you have no hope of these results. We actually are completely shocked we got him to this point. It took 250 tubs of this shit to get him here, a team of people to apply applications and more elbow grease than it took to build the Titanic.

UPDATE 10/7/17:

It’s been brought to my attention that this article was misrepresented by Demonic Angel of Death. 

First off, he put a price on it. We didn’t. Secondly, he says Steven Sisk was all bold and brave and posted it on his Facebook page, which he didn’t. Thirdly, according to him, Steven didn’t give a shit and talked smack about how we still didn’t really know who he was or where he lived.

OK, asshole – here you go:

Stephen Lee Sisk
109 Van Buren St
Gaffney, SC 29340
(864) 206-4072

Now, if you want Larry, Robert, Kim, Hazel, Stephanie or anybody else brought in to it, asshole, just let us know.

Next time, don’t fuck up our articles and keep your fucking mouth shut.